In the latest episode of the Soldier On podcast, psychologist Rachael Kiely offers an unfiltered look at what therapy involves for veterans and families navigating complex trauma. Her conversation with host and veteran, Soldier On’s Career and Education Manager Jason Isaac moves past quick-fix expectations, shifting the focus to slow, relational work that allows real change to take root.
First sessions: Foundations, not fixes
Rachael is upfront that no one is expected to understand therapy before they start.
Some people arrive ready to talk. Others sit down and have no idea where to begin. Both are normal.
Early sessions build the groundwork rather than aiming to resolve everything at once. It can mean weeks or even months of mapping someone’s history, clarifying expectations and learning how to work together.
‘Assessment isn’t done in one session,’ she says. ‘It might go on for six sessions, twelve sessions. It might even be two years before someone says, “There’s something I’ve never been able to talk about before, but I feel ready now”.’
Why Soldier On doesn’t rush the work
People often come to Soldier On after exhausting the short-term options.
‘If you could fix it quickly, you would have already,’ Rachael says. What she sees instead are long histories, years of stress, trauma or relationship strain that don’t budge with surface-level strategies.
‘Most people don’t feel “broken”,’ she adds. ‘Some do, and they come to us for that, but therapy isn’t only for that.’
It’s for anyone who feels something isn’t shifting, no matter how capable they look from the outside.
Defence culture is structured. Therapy is not.
Jason jokes that Defence life is all orders and certainty. Rachael laughs: ‘There’s none of that in our line of work. There’s no workbook for mentalisation-based treatment sessions.’
Sessions don’t follow a rigid sequence. Instead, they follow whatever is happening at that time. For some, that feels freeing. For others, disorienting.
But Rachael says it’s an acknowledgement that human behaviour doesn’t fit tidy categories. People can be avoidant and clingy, overwhelmed and detached – sometimes all in the same week.
‘We’re not robots and we don’t fit into neatly described boxes,’ Rachael says. ‘Every session is different.’
Relationships at the centre
Soldier On psychologists use mentalisation-based treatment (MBT) – an approach built for complex trauma, long-term patterns and relational challenges.
MBT zeroes in on how people relate to others and how those patterns repeat across life. It might include:
• pushing people away
• clinging to partners or children
• feeling unsafe without constant contact
• feeling suffocated by closeness
• misreading intentions because past harm shaped your lens
Rachael sees these not as faults, but as clues.
‘How is someone supposed to know what you need today?’ she asks. ‘Some days you want someone close. Some days you can’t breathe with someone near you. Therapy helps you understand what’s happening for you – and why.’
Parenting through trauma
Parenting challenges often appear in individual sessions, so Soldier On developed specific groups in response:
• Tuning into Kids
• Tuning into Teens
• Circle of Security
• The Lighthouse Parenting Program – offering programs that run between 12 and 20 weeks, based on individual needs, to support parents whose histories of trauma influence how they care and connect
Soldier On psychologists use mentalisation-based treatment (MBT) – an approach built for complex trauma, long-term patterns and relational challenges.
These programs help parents who want to raise their children differently from their own upbringing or who notice service-related stress shaping family dynamics.
‘It’s about connecting with your young ones and noticing where they’re at,’ Rachael says.
Not a crisis service – and why that matters
Soldier On’s psychologists provide structured therapy, not emergency intervention.
‘We are not a crisis service,’ Rachael says plainly. Organisations such as Open Arms, Lifeline, Men’s Line and 1800-RESPECT are designed for immediate support. MBT requires a steadier foundation.
‘If you’re just trying to get through the day, you don’t need to be digging around in stuff.’
That doesn’t mean clients are always stable. Tough days happen. Therapy helps people understand those moments without being the acute response.
Walking in nervous is normal
Jason asks what Soldier On does for people who arrive anxious or unsure.
‘It’s the unknown,’ Rachael says. ‘That’s scary for anyone.’
No one is pushed to ‘rip the band-aid off’. Some sessions feel like ordinary conversation, others go deep – it depends on what someone brings that day.
Importantly, clients meet a real human being, not a façade.
‘We can’t sit behind a professional front,’ Rachael says. Therapists question their own assumptions, acknowledge awkward moments and use genuine reactions to build trust.
Weekly or fortnightly sessions are standard because real change needs accumulated momentum. Monthly sessions simply don’t work for this model.
‘These issues didn’t come up quickly, and they’re not going to change quickly,’ Rachael says.
Some people start after a hospital stay. Others wait until work or family life eases. Everyone has a different timeline.
Veterans and families are equally in focus
Rachael emphasises one of Soldier On’s core principles:
‘Service isn’t just the person who signed up. Families serve alongside them.’
Almost half the people Soldier On supports are partners, spouses or family members. Their experiences and stressors are given the same seriousness and respect.
Jason closes the conversation by asking what Rachel would say to someone sitting on the fence.
Her answer is simple.
‘Give it a crack. We don’t bite.’
Reaching out doesn’t lock anyone in. It just opens a door – to see what therapy might offer now or later.
‘You’re allowed to find out what it’s about,’ she says. ‘You don’t have to know. Just come forward if you’re thinking about it.’
Need support? Start here…
Register with Soldier On:
If you are a current or former service member or a family member, you can register with Soldier On to access free psychology services, employment and education support, social connection activities and family programs.
Register here: https://soldieron.org.au
If you need immediate or crisis support:
• Open Arms – 1800 011 046
• Lifeline – 13 11 14
• 1800-RESPECT
You can listen to Rachael and Jason in conversation, in episode 6 of the 10-part podcast series, Saluting Their Service: Voices of Contemporary Bravery, via the Soldier On YouTube channel or Spotify.
