For Davina Mansfield, Australia’s involvement in Afghanistan is not something she remembers only through headlines or dates.
She experienced it through her own connection to Defence – first as a serving member of the Australian Army and later as a military spouse, when her husband was deployed and she was managing family life at home.
Davina served for six years in the Royal Australian Army Dental Corps before transitioning into civilian life. Her Defence journey continued through her role as a military spouse, including periods when she was effectively a solo parent while her husband was deployed.
Today, Davina is a Soldier On Ambassador and continues to work closely with the Defence and veteran community. She was also featured in Episode 3 of Soldier On’s Saluting Their Service – Contemporary Voices of Bravery podcast, speaking with Soldier On CEO Paul Singer about her journey through service, resilience, transition and finding purpose beyond the uniform.
Her experience gives her a perspective that reaches beyond the person who deploys. She understands what it means to serve, but also what it means to be the person waiting at home.
As Australia marks 25 years since the beginning of its military involvement in Afghanistan, Davina reflects on what that experience meant for her, her family and the wider Defence community.
‘My first reaction was probably a mixture of pride and fear’
Davina remembers learning that her husband would be going to Afghanistan as a gradual realisation.
‘I remember the reality of it sinking in slowly.’
When you are married to someone in the military, you become accustomed to plans changing, time apart and not always knowing exactly what the next few months will look like. But there is something different about Afghanistan. The word itself carried a weight.
‘My first reaction was probably a mixture of pride and fear.
‘I was incredibly proud of my husband and of his commitment to serving. But alongside that pride was the very real thought of, what happens if he doesn’t come home?’
It was not necessarily something she felt able to say out loud.
‘You don’t always say those things out loud. You don’t want to be the person who adds fear to an already difficult situation. So you get on with things. You organise. You keep busy. You become incredibly capable at carrying on.’
And, she says, that is something many military families become very good at – carrying on while someone they love is somewhere they cannot protect them.
‘You learn to live with a strange kind of uncertainty’
For Davina, the hardest moments during the deployment were not necessarily dramatic ones.
‘For me, it wasn’t necessarily one dramatic moment. It was the accumulation of all the little moments.’
It was knowing she could not simply pick up the phone whenever she wanted.
It was waiting, then hearing about something happening in the news and immediately wondering whether he was okay.
It was waiting, then hearing about something happening in the news and immediately wondering whether he was okay.
You learn to live with a strange kind of uncertainty.
And while someone is deployed, life at home continues.
‘Life at home doesn’t stop just because someone is deployed. Bills still need to be paid. Children still need to get to school. Birthdays happen. Cars break down. Someone gets sick. You still have to go to work.’
There is a whole life continuing at home while a part of the family is somewhere else.
‘You become the person who holds everything together, and sometimes you don’t realise how exhausting that is until much later.’
The importance of people who understand
Davina had people around her during the deployment, but she says she did not fully understand at the time just how important military families and that sense of community were.
‘There is something very powerful about being around people who don’t need you to explain why you’re worried, why you are tired or why a seemingly ordinary thing can feel enormous.’
Military families understand the language of absence.
‘They understand that sometimes you don’t need advice. You just need someone to say, I get it.’
Her husband’s deployment meant he was away, but Davina says she was also part of something bigger – a family and community connected through service.
Over time, her understanding of what families need has deepened.
Support is not simply about getting someone through a deployment. It is also about what happens afterwards.
‘The return home can be complicated. Everyone expects you to be happy because they are home. And you are. But coming home doesn’t necessarily mean everything immediately goes back to how it was before.’
Both people have changed.
‘The person who left has had experiences you haven’t shared, and you have built a life at home that they haven’t been part of. Finding your way back to each other takes time, patience and understanding.’
Twenty-five years on
For Davina, the 25th anniversary is an opportunity to think about how much of the Afghanistan story is still carried by the people who served, their families and their communities.
‘Twenty-five years is a long time, but for many people those experiences don’t feel 25 years ago.’
The anniversary is also a reminder that the effects of service extend beyond the person who deploys.
‘For me, the anniversary is a reminder that service has a ripple effect.’
The person in uniform is often the most visible part of the story.
‘We often talk about the person who deployed, and rightly so, but behind them are partners, children, parents, friends and communities who are also living with the consequences of that service.’
Davina remembers the things that happened while families were separated – birthdays missed, milestones experienced from a distance, difficult conversations, long periods of waiting and the constant awareness that the person you loved was somewhere things could change very quickly.
And then there is the return home.
‘I think we need to remember that transition isn’t simply about coming back through the airport gate. It can take years to understand what service has meant for an individual and for a family.’
Twenty-five years on, Davina says she feels enormous respect for those who served, alongside a deep appreciation for the families who stood beside them.
‘And I think there is an important lesson in that: when someone serves, the family serves alongside them in ways that aren’t always visible.’
The ordinary things
When asked about a particular memory, photograph, letter or object from that period that has stayed with her, Davina does not choose one dramatic moment.
‘For me, it is the ordinary things.’
The photographs.
The messages.
The brief moments of connection that meant everything.
But perhaps the strongest memory is the feeling of waiting for someone to come home.
‘There is something about seeing the person you love again after a long absence that is difficult to put into words.’
The relief is enormous.
But so is the realisation that two people have been living separate lives for a period of time.
‘You want to pick up exactly where you left off. But you can’t,’ she says.
‘You have to find each other again.’
Looking back, Davina says that period taught her a great deal about resilience, independence and what partnership really means.
It also changed her understanding of service.
‘For a long time, I thought service belonged to the person in the uniform. I understand it differently now. Service belongs to the whole family.’
The other half of the story
That idea has become part of Davina’s broader understanding of Defence life and the reason she continues to be involved with the veteran and Defence community.
In her Saluting Their Service conversation with Paul Singer, she spoke about the importance of carrying the skills, resilience and purpose developed through Defence into the next chapter of life. Her message was that time in uniform is one chapter, rather than the end of someone’s story.
Her Afghanistan reflections add another dimension to that story.
They remind us that the experience of military service is not confined to deployments, operations or the people whose names appear in official records.
It is also found in the everyday realities of military family life – managing work and children while a partner is away, maintaining connections across distance, and adjusting again when they return home.
For Davina, that is what she would most want people to remember from these stories.
And, sometimes, in the ordinary photographs and messages that become much more important with the passage of time.
For Davina, that is what she would most want people to remember from these stories.
‘Behind every person who deploys is often someone at home who is quietly carrying the other half of the story.
‘They may not wear the uniform.
‘But they serve too.’
